Taming the Beast

Online courses, as a first time experience, for some people can be very frustrating. I have had a couple of instances where I and/or the course has tried the patience of a participant. As a result, I have received emails flaming with anger or that have a curt tone of "Okay, here I am, Now teach me."

So what is a facilitator to do. At first, I would become very nervous and worry about what I should say to calm the fears of a first timer or how to deal with the "here I am" participant. At first, I would want to fire back an email that exhibited the same tone that was sent. Knowing from my facilitator training that that was not an acceptable response, I would fret over how to word each response to achieve calm. When I would send a carefully crafted response, I'd hold my breath hoping for the best.

But, after a few times, some patterns began to emerge. I would notice that a certain type of email would net a certain response. I have narrowed down the skill of "taming the beast" in those disgruntled, frustrated participants to two strategies: monitoring my tone and copy and paste.

Maintaining a calm and helpful tone in a reply in spite of the harshness of the question can often soothe frustrations. Using phrases like "I'm sorry if my wording was confusing" even if I know the message was clear and had probably not been read with care, if at all, can avert a potential disaster.

One example of monitoring my tone occurred recently in one course. Donna had warned me about this participant after speaking on the phone with her a multitude of times, just getting her registered. And sure enough, the first email was of the "here I am" variety. Her first reply was brief, to the point, with a bit of cool to it: "I suppose I am completing the first part of the assignment. I am taking the course and am planning to complete it for course credit." No hello, no closing, just her formal name signed at the end. Her responses continued in that tone, very short, to the point and still aloof: "I was under the impression that my session two grade would be changed."

These types of statements continued as she questioned why her grade was not yet recorded or changed in spite of emails where I had detailed that I would update grading by Friday. This tone persisted in response to what I considered very warm, welcoming and informative emails on my part:

"I've also checked readings and responses for Session Two. Again, if you have an 'I', your readings report shows you have read far too few responses to be considered graduate level participation. Please go back and read more responses...I hope this cathes up grading for a little while. Session Three ends tonight and Session Four begins tomorrow. Time is flying."

I had hoped my conversational tone would rub off on her responses. No such luck.

But, as the session moved on, I begin to notice a change. At some point I had begun to respond to her short notes with my own short, abrupt replies. To her hurried, and in my interpretation, harried message: "I have tried to get in touch with you, but have not gotten a response. How do I go back and get feed back? Where is my grade from last week? Could you open my project?" I simply replied, "I responded in the help section where you left me the question."

I continued that type of response that mimicked her brusqueness through the next several exchanges. By the end of the course, I noticed that her emails had begun to soften. She emailed: "Please let me know if I can make up work for week three. I am not really sure what I have not completed. I posted an email and responded to two; I also completed a journal entry." Her sentences were a bit longer and she had begun to use the word "please" more prominently and the phrase "I am not sure..." which suggested a calmer more friendly tone. I want to assume that she saw her tone mirrored in my responses and decided to change her tone. Although she could have just been more comfortable with the online venue, I felt my modeling had some impact on her responses.

Another example of "taming the beast" was concerning the emailer who was incensed that she had an "I" grade for a session. I can't find the exact email, but to paraphrase, "I am a high level graduate of a prestigious NEIGHBORING STATE school and I would not have gotten where I am if I had not done my assigned work. So, I'm sure you are mistaken." That certainly set me back for a second. I wanted to scream back in all caps that had she read her emails she would know exactly why she had received an "I." But, I maintained my cool and quietly copied and pasted the info from the email and put it in a response to her saying, "I am sorry if my wording was confusing to you. If I can answer any questions about the material I will." Her follow up email was rather subdued and apologetic. Using the copy and paste of what she should have read, I didn't have to respond on her level.

In wrapping up this lengthy entry, I'll share a moment when I nearly did "lose it" with one of those angry emails. I can't even remember the topic, but the email was angry, snippy, and accusing me of not making instructions clear. I quickly clicked on reply and fired up a message equal in tone to the one I'd received. I had even resorted to sarcasm and was ready to fire it right back. I pounded the send key... nothing happened. The screen froze and I had to restart the computer. I had been saved by Divine Intervention of the computer gods. But, in case that doesn't work, I would recommend monitoring your tone and using the copy and paste function to combat many of the frustrations of our course participants.